Today I got told 'You Look like a Bloke in Drag'.
My first thought was 'fair comment', but truthfully it was a bit of an emotional blow & the shock of seeing myself through somebody else's eyes was tangible & tough.
I'd visited Beesley Wigs in Sandhurst Berkshire to choose a suitable wig or two to get me through the next few months of treatment. Visits to the shop were via appointment only. Beesley offers a free service where they cut your hair into a short style so that when you lose it it's not such a shock. (my own hairdresser had offered to shave all my hair off for me so I wouldn't have to go through the trauma of seeing my hair falling out everyday when the chemo really took hold of me) & I knew seeing curly piles on my pillow each morning wouldn't be pretty. Beesley advised me that if I had my hair shaved off my scalp would be itchy, so I opted to let them cut my shoulder-length hair into a funky short style.
On the day I had my hair cut I felt surprisingly good. It wasn't so bad after all. Long deep breathe. I walked out of the shop leaving my curls behind me in a mournful pile & without a backwards glance I stepped out Into the sunny October morning.
A week later I went back to Beesley to choose a wig. There were wigs of all styles, colours, & lengths. My short cut was certainly getting uncomfortably thinner & this was a chance for me to hide from the world and be somebody else for a while. Curly, straight, long, short, elfin, rocky, purple, pink, punky, bobby; the possibilities were endless.
I opted for a blonde & bobby style wig. It was shiny, had a fringe, was cut into a perfectly sharpe bob & as soon as I put it on I knew this was the one I wanted. I tilted it to one side so I now had a fantastic asymmetric bob & it felt good so I bought it. 'Penelope' and I were to go on and have many adventures.
I carried on trying other wigs as I thought it would be great to have the everyday blonde bobby one, & then also to have a fun party, 'let yourself go' wig too! I hadn't had long hair for a long time and decided on a long platinum blond straight wig. I knew I'd be dressed up dancing in my heels when I wore this one. I'd be able to hide & dance & forget everything just to a while. It felt right & so I bought this one too. I named this wig 'Ursula'.
Last night I was invited to a charity event. I wasn't feeling well but didn't want to let anyone down and so 'Ursula' & I went & actually had a good time. Photos were taken on the night & posted online to promote both the event and the charity.
As I was glancing through a forum for the event this morning I noticed that someone who didn't know me had posted against a photo of me 'that looks like a bloke in drag'. It was a personal blow. I've taken 'Ursula' & placed her in the bottom of my wardrobe. I will never wear her again.
* Fashion Tips
* hair is important
* hairstyle is important
* hair colour is important
* if you think you look good, you've got a better chance of feeling good
^some people are mean