• Maria Hastings

Slipping into your Big Girl Pants and pulling them up tight!

Today I've slipped into my big girl pants and pulled them right up. By this I mean that I've got to be #brave & face head on every challenge around the corner. Full of high spirits fuelled by adrenaline I arrived at the one stop -sort-me-out-please #breast shop.

An efficient receptionist greeted me with an understanding smile & asked me almost in a whisper to take a seat in the waiting room & wait to be called through .

The room was filled with nervous expectation . I'd decided to go alone to the appointment, there's no need in getting all #emotional about things and if I'm going to fall apart I'd rather do it by myself ... with myself.

I was told I'd be having my first #mammogram ; I'm not gonna lie ; 'medieval' & the word 'clamp' spring to mind ..... Just imagine; that you may have a 'lump' deep inside your breast & the investigation of choice is to clamp said breast very tightly in a contraption & squeeeeeeeeeeeeze - you're left trapped whilst the #radiographer walks away from you behind a screen & takes an x ray ( I still remember the shock of the first time as she walked away from me leaving me stranded) -Looking back; this was like taking a walk in the park on a sunny day compared with everything I was to undergo over the next 6 years.

Once I was unclamped & it was over I sat back in the waiting room opposite two girls who were probably in their 30s. Instinct told me one was the 'patient' and the other a #supportive friend . We all avoided glancing at each other & I grabbed a magazine from the table and began devouring over the latest trends on the streets in 2013. Wallpaper; hat trends, kitchen designs I ingested it all front to back . I placed the magazine back on the table & saw the two girls had gone. After twenty minutes or so the consulting room door opened and the two girls scurried out one holding the other; there were faint snuffles & tears, I heard them & rallied myself .

The six hours or so I spent at the hospital that day are a bit blurred now but what I do remember is being told there was an area of #calcification in my breast & that I'd have to come back and have a breast #biopsy done . I went back to my car & googled 'calcification in the breast ' - bugger - i was pretty sure it was #Breast #Cancer ....

Then I remembered my pants & that I needed to be #brave & believe that whatever happened next it was important to stay #positive